Crash and Burn
by VampiricEternity
Summary: A short Paine X Baralai song fic that takes place when he wakes up after the Shuyin incident.


This fic was inspired by the song "Crash and Burn" by Savage Garden. I don't know why but at 6 this morning (it was last night to me) I had to write this. Then when I was working on it my dad came in to yell at me and tell me that I had to go to sleep. When I told him that I had to finish it he stole my writing notebook and pen. I got it back this morning.

Disclaimer: The song "Crash and Burn" is Savage Garden's and the Characters are Square Enix's I don't own…anything really…damn.

_When you feel all alone  
And the world has turned it's back on you  
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart  
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you  
It's hard to find relieve and people can be so cold  
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore  
_

Paine closed her ruby eyes with a sigh before climbing from the bed. She had now officially given up on sleep. It was some unYevonly hour of the night and she couldn't sleep.

She just kept picturing Baralai and Vegnagun.

Paine crept into the Cabin area where Baralai lay resting. He'd only moved slightly since the incident. Only a little here and there but he'd never woken up.

She sat next to him staring down at his rumpled form. The messy white hair falling down onto his tanned skin. She just watched him wordlessly.

Why couldn't she stop thinking about him? About his deep hazel gaze. About how he looked lying on the tunnel floor after their fight in the Bevelle underground. It had taken all her self-control to stay in the fight.

She didn't think about Gippal or Nooj like this and she'd known them just as long as she had Baralai.

After deciding that sitting there wasn't helping her any she sighed once more and pushed herself up. She stared down at him wondering why he made her feel like this. She shook her head and walked out.

Baralai felt the presence of her next to him. He felt himself slowly waking from the darkness that had swallowed him when Shuyin left. What had he done? He remembered nothing after Shuyin had left him. He did remember that helpless desperation that ripped through him as he watched Shuyin work with Vegnagun.

His eyelids flickered open. The room was dark. No one was there. He thought he'd felt her there next to him. He paused as he heard the click of boots on the hard floor. He knew that sound.

She had been there.

He moved to go after her but every muscle was stiff and it hurt to move. He sighed and slowly began to move his arms grimacing at the pain. He ached to go after her. He needed to talk to her.

Baralai remembered the look of betrayal and anger on her face before they'd fought and the horror in her eyes as she watched Shuyin-him work Vegnagun.

Baralai needed to talk to Paine. Needed to tell her what happened. That he'd never betray her.

_Let me be the one you call  
If you jump I'll break your fall  
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night  
If you need to fall apart  
I can mend a broken heart  
If you need to crash then crash and burn  
You're not alone  
_

Paine walked down the deck toward the edge and sat down.

They'd saved Spira. In doing this she'd lost trust in someone she'd known for so long. Someone she couldn't stop thinking about.

She ran her hands through her short silvery brown hair. She ran over every memory of him in her head.

"Paine!" he cried when she stepped forward to fight in Bevelle. He looked…wounded. That nearly killed her.

"Come join us." He took the recorder from her hands.

"Hey Dr. P.," he said with one of his slight smiles.

She put her face in her hands. She needed to stop this.

"Paine."

That sounded like….

"Paine, please."

After a few moments of moving various parts of his body to ease the stiffness, Baralai climbed from the bed. He nearly fell several times before he felt confident he could actually leave the room. He stumbled down the stairs and out into the corridor.

She would have gone…. somewhere she could be alone. Where there weren't any other people…the deck. Now all he had to do was figure out how to get there.

"Shouldn't you be resting?" a voice drawled from the doorway.

Baralai turned startled toward the voice. Nooj stood leaning on the wall.

"Through that door and up," Nooj replied gesturing to a door at the end of the corridor.

"Thanks," Baralai said quietly.

"Just sort it all out," Nooj said. "We can't have both of you sulking."

Baralai smiled slightly before heading toward the lift. He pressed the button and it zoomed up. The door opened silently and he stepped out into the rush of night air. It ripped at his hair and clothes as he stepped further out onto the deck.

His eyes flickered around until he saw her sitting on the edge. He stood watching her run her fingers through her hair and a mix of emotions flicker across her face before she put her head in her hands. He took a deep breath and stepped toward her.

"Paine," he called. She froze but didn't turn. "Paine, please."

_When you feel all alone  
And a loyal friend is hard to find  
You're caught in a one way street  
With the monsters in your head  
When hopes and dreams are far away and  
You feel like you can't face they day _

Paine turned around and saw Baralai standing in the middle of the deck. He was actually standing there. She simply stared at him.

"Uh, Hey Dr. P.," he said with one of his infamous, slight, shy, smiles.

"Baralai," she said quietly, not entirely sure he'd heard her and turned back around. Here he was and she couldn't think of what to say.

She heard the soft rustle of cloth as he walked slowly toward her. Why did she feel like this near him? She didn't know what to say to him. He made her feel so…confused and she couldn't put it into words.

"You should be resting," Paine said simply. Mentally she sighed at her own inability to really talk to him.

"I needed to talk to you," Baralai replied quietly. "I wanted to apologize."

Paine motioned to the deck next to her. 'He's apologizing…. For what?'

"I'm sorry for everything. I can't even-"

Paine cut him off. "Don't apologize," she replied. She really wished he'd sit down. She wanted him to be there.

Baralai finally sat down. "I-uh,"

"Since when did you stutter?" Paine asked shooting a glance at him. Just breathe she ordered herself when he sat.

"I don't know what to say," Baralai muttered. "I have no excuse for what happened."

"It wasn't you," Paine replied, still not looking at him.

"No," Baralai shook his head. "It was me."

She finally turned around. Baralai watched her as she stared at him. He couldn't tell whether she was actually looking at him.

"Uh, Hey Dr. P.," Baralai said attempting to smile. She still hadn't said anything. He didn't know where to begin.

"Baralai," Paine whispered. He almost didn't catch it. She turned away from him to stare back off the edge of the ship. The question of where to start flashed in his mind again.

Baralai took a couple of steps toward her. He now stood a few feet back from her. Paine still sat unmoving. 'What do I do?' he thought in panic.

"You should be resting," Paine's voice ran through the night.

Baralai smiled to himself. She didn't know what to say either.

"I needed to talk to you," It was as good a place to start as any other he supposed. He froze at a loss of how to say what he wanted. So instead he just began "I wanted to apologize."

'That's an understatement,' Baralai thought to himself.

Paine gestured to the deck next to her. Baralai debated with himself whether to sit or not. "I'm sorry for everything, I can't even-"

"Don't apologize," Paine said suddenly.

Baralai sat down almost hesitantly. "I-uh,". 'Great' he thought to himself. 'You sound like an idiot'

"Since when do you stutter?" Paine said. Her ruby gaze shifted to him for only a moment.

Baralai felt her gaze. It burned into him. "I don't know what to say," he muttered. "I have no excuse for what happened."

She surprised him by saying, "It wasn't you." He would almost have believed her if she'd looked at him.

She didn't believe that. He didn't even believe it. "No. It was me."

_Let me be the one you call  
If you jump I'll break your fall  
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night  
If you need to fall apart  
I can mend a broken heart  
If you need to crash then crash and burn  
You're not alone _

'So' Paine thought 'he was beating himself up over it.'

"It was Shuyin," she replied after a moment.

"You don't believe that," Baralai replied evenly. "I don't believe it."

Paine turned to look at him. Ruby met hazel with an even gaze. "I…don't blame you."

"You're the only one," Baralai responded quietly, looking off into the night.

"How would you know? You couldn't have spoken to very many people since the incident." Paine replied studying his profile. The way the wind whipped his white hair just barely into his eyes.

'Great just tell him you sat at his bedside,' she thought to herself.

"How could they not blame me?" Baralai asked. "I nearly killed us all. I nearly destroyed all of Spira. If you, and Yuna, and Rikku hadn't been there." He shook his head.

"It wasn't you!" Paine said again. "You wouldn't. I know you better than that. You wouldn't do something like that."

'He wouldn't' Paine thought. 'He would never.'

Baralai turned to her and smiled slightly. "Well I know you at least half believe that."

"I do believe it," Paine responded without thought.

'It was me and she knows it,' Baralai told himself.

"It was Shuyin," she said after a moment of silence.

"You don't believe that," Baralai replied bluntly. "I don't believe it."

'How could anyone believe that? No one else was possessed. No one else started Vegnagun. No one else nearly killed anyone who'd meant anything to them.' Baralai added to himself in frustration.

He felt Paine's gaze fall no him and he turned to meet it.

"I.." she hesitated, "don't blame you."

"You're the only one," Baralai responded turning from her gaze. The red gaze the looked right through him. Burning into his own gaze. He averted his eyes to the oncoming night sky.

"How would you know? You couldn't have spoken to very many people since the incident." she replied. He could still feel the heat of her gaze on him.

'She was there,' his mind said to the small part of it that had doubted it was her. She couldn't know how long he'd been awake if she hadn't.

"How can they not blame me?" Baralai said to her, eyes still not meeting hers. "I nearly killed us all. I nearly destroyed all of Spira. If you, and Yuna, and Rikku hadn't been there." He ran out of words so settled for shaking his head.

'Well there's part of it,' he thought.

"It wasn't you!" Paine said loudly. "You wouldn't. I know you better than that. You wouldn't do something like that."

Her reaction startled him slightly. 'She didn't blame him?'

He finally turned to meet her gaze only to find it had shifted down slightly. "Well I know you at least half believe that."

Baralai was unwilling let himself believe she didn't at least partially blame him. That was unrealistic.

"I do believe it," Paine replied quickly and without much thought.

_Because there has always been heartache and pain  
And when it's over you'll breathe again  
You'll breath again_

'Well' Paine thought. She wasn't sure if she blamed him. At least not until that moment. Not until she told him did she realize she knew he wouldn't do anything like that.

He was smiling at her again and she felt her heart quicken slightly. "Thank you."

"For what?" she managed after a moment.

He turned away from her once again but didn't say anything.

She wanted him to look at her. Paine found herself wanting to drown in his hazel eyes.

They sat in an awkward unmoving silence until Baralai finally broke it.

"You sat next to me," he said quietly.

"Hmm?" she asked not entirely sure she'd heard him properly.

"You sat next to my bed. Before you came up here. A couple times before too I think," he said a little louder.

Paine was unsure how to respond. 'So he does know about that.'

"Yes," she responded at last. "How did you know?"

"I felt you," Baralai said slowly. "I'm not sure how but I felt you near me. I also heard the click of your boots on the floor as you were walking away tonight."

Paine smiled slightly. "Did you?"

"I'd know that sound anywhere," Baralai smiled. "You've always worn them."

Silence settled over them again. It wasn't awkward this time.

"What was it like?" Paine asked suddenly.

"What was what like?" Baralai asked confused.

"Being possessed," Paine clarified.

'She..' his thoughts trailed off. He smiled at her. 'She didn't think he'd do it.'

"Thank you," Baralai said studying her.

"For what?" Paine asked him. Her voice sounded a bit caught in her throat.

Baralai turned back toward the night sky, not answering her. 'She knows perfectly well what,' he thought.

Her gaze shifted slowly from him to the sky. Neither of them spoke for a few awkward moments. Baralai listened to the wind whip at their clothes before he spoke.

"You sat next to me," he said suddenly, quietly.

'Well that's one way to do it,' he thought. 'Just say it!'

"Hmm?" she questioned not looking at him.

Baralai mentally sighed. "You sat next to my bed. Before you came up here. A couple times before too I think," he stopped, giving her time to answer. 'Well that was probably more than was needed.'

"Yes," she said. "How did you know?"

He paused again. Should he just tell her? He took a deep breath.

"I felt you," he said slowly to begin. "I'm not sure how but I felt you near me. I also heard the click of your boots on the floor as you were walking away tonight."

Baralai watched a smile spread across her lips. "Did you?"

He smiled at her. "I'd know that sound anywhere. You've always worn them."

They sat in a comfortable silence until she asked the question.

"What was it like?" she said without warning.

"What was what like?" Baralai asked, dreading what she meant.

"Being possessed," she said.

_When you feel all alone  
And the world has turned its back on you  
Give me a moment please  
To tame your wild wild heart _

When he didn't answer Paine froze.

'He's just woken up and you ask him a question like that. Nice,' her brain scolded itself.

"I'm sorr-" she began.

"Dark," he replied thoughtfully.

She studied him again. He looked worried, sad. He wasn't looking at her but she could see the pain his eyes held.

"I could see everything he was doing but I couldn't stop him," Baralai continued. "I watched him. I knew what he wanted to do but I just couldn't stop it."

"I'm sorry," Paine said quietly. 'You are such an idiot,' she told herself.

He turned to her with a sad smile. "I'm almost glad I told you."

This startled her. "Why?"

"I'm not sure how much talking I'll want to do tomorrow with everyone," he replied honestly. "I'm glad to tell someone now. I'm even happier that it was you."

'He's glad he told…me?'

Paine smiled slightly. "Tell me what ever you'd like."

Baralai smiled slightly back. "Well, Dr. P.," he began.

Paine felt herself gazing into his hazel eyes. She lifted her eyebrows to tell him to continue.

"I think…." he paused. "I'm in love with you."

'What?' Paine froze. Did he just say that he was……Oh Yevon he did. Is this what she'd been feeling. This inability to concentrate on anything but him, to want to sit and talk to him all day like before, or to just see him smile? Love?

Then it hit her. She needed to say something.

"I-" she stopped. "I think…I..,"

'Just spit it out!' her mind yelled.

She could see him getting worried. Just like he always did after he was afraid he'd said something stupid.

"I think…I'm in love with you too," she finally managed.

Baralai had a feeling that's what she meant. He really hoped it wasn't. He stopped to think about it. He could sense he beginning to panic next to him.

"I'm sorr-"

He cut her off. "Dark." He still wouldn't look at her but he could feel her eyes on him again. She was studying him. "I could see everything he was doing but I couldn't stop him. I watched him. I knew what he wanted to do but I just couldn't stop it," he finally continued.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

'We're doing a lot of apologizing,' he thought to himself. It felt nice though to tell someone. Especially her. He felt like telling her everything. How she made him feel. Wait how did he feel?

He gave her a slow smile. "I'm almost glad I told you." She looked startled by this.

"Why?"

He thought for a moment. "I'm not sure how much talking I'll want to do tomorrow with everyone," he replied honestly. "I'm glad to tell someone now. I'm even happier that it was you."

'She really didn't need to know all of that.'

He felt his breath catch when she smiled. "Tell me what ever you like."

'Like that I love you,' he thought immediately afterward. 'Wait what?' He loved her…he did.

He shot her his own slight smile. 'Now just tell her. It's the perfect time.'

"Well Dr. P.," he began.

He felt their eyes meet and was now positive. He was in love with her. She lifted her eyebrows, telling him to continue.

"I think," he paused again. 'Come on!' "I'm in love with you."

He saw her freeze, her eyes widen. 'Oh no I've scared her. She doesn't know what to say. She's confused. Oh no.'

"I-" she stopped.

'She doesn't love me..' his brain thought.

"I think….I..," she tried to continue.

'You idiot!' his mind was yelling. 'She's going to hate you now.'

"I think… I'm in love with you too," she finally finished.

_Let me be the one you call  
If you jump I'll break your fall  
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night  
If you need to fall apart  
I can mend a broken heart  
If you need to crash then crash and burn  
You're not alone _

Paine leaned forward as Baralai did. Her arms twisted around his neck as his came around her waist. Then their lips met.

Song fics really aren't my area of expertise. I've also never written a Final Fantasy fic before.


End file.
